colder now. leaves blowing, the pink striped hat, the pea soup, the extra covers at night and i wake up feeling like i have forgotten something very important.

but i know that pushing you out of my life was the best thing for me, no more lies, the not saids, the cover-ups and the unfolding. i don't need it anymore. it was that simple, like erasing a name off a list.

days like this, where i feel as if everyone is staring at me like i am an oddity, like i am somehow repulsive or weird, like blood is leaking quietly across the back of my pants, like i have snot dried on my nose, like my zipper is down, i want someone to pull me aside and tell me me what the ailment is.