somedays, the strangest people roaming about the lady with the long creepy orange nails unfurling her cigarette, the speed freaks scratching and loading their carts with all giant hunks of meat in the safeway, the girls at my work clicking in high heeled boots, discussing cosmetics and end tables, i feel like i pay so much attention to observing and taking in the people around me, i wish i had a better way of remembering. maybe i use it so as not to pay so much attention to myself and what is inside, churning in my head.

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i can't undo all that has transpired. i can't even confess it, if it started to spill out, i couldn't stop and you would back away. the only thing i can do is try to forget and stop beating myself up over it. the weak part is not moving on and so i'm becoming quite good at playing like it never happened, leaving it behind. i'm trying so hard.