this time i won't get so nervous. i didn't call you to meet beforehand because i already know you'll be too busy. it will be casual and i have better things to be doing, sushi to pull off trains and friends to see walk in from the rain. you matter to me less and less, we will hug awkwardly, you will tell me about europe, your hair will almost be reaching your collar, you will drink beers and shuffle your feet. i will want to look perfect and in hoping, two pimples are emerging just in time to betray me. i will shave my legs slowly and change my clothes 13 times.

i'm not going to deny i think about such things.

i can't.