i am tired and everyone looks so pale. we are all huddled around the bus shelter like moths. our eyes are flickering, no one really dares to look at one another. there are people that i see here every day. they have become familiar. i wonder if i have become the same way. no one is downtown today except old men in small overcoats with their socks falling down. bloodshot eyes and little steps.

i just checked my email and my dad is coming to portland this saturday. i have not seen or spoken to my dad in over six years. the thought of this terrifies me. i wanted to click "back" on the browser and pretend i never got the email. my dad writes me a small paragraph, making painful jokes. he wants to see me. it would be really "nice". it would be nice if i didn't look so much like you, dad,and if i wasn't so scared to see how old you look.